Thursday, May 21

A Tear Fell..

I know this is fuckin' low and unimportant but am gonna rant it just the same 'coz in the long run, it'll make me feel better. But since it's too pathetic to share and too big a deal for me to just keep to myself, not to mention it's the second time I'm gonna talk about it, I'd put it here, my most trusted confidante.

I am so totally affected that up to now, he still writes married on forms, and/or clicks married on social networking sites where we are each other's contacts.

I know how much he loves me, God knows how much I feel it deep within me, even at this point when distance really is trying its best to change my mind. Also, the fact that he only uses the networking sites to establish a network of contacts in his job is a big reason for me not to really let it get to me.

But it still does They are legally separated for like 3 or 4 years now, and I feel like, he not changing his status into the appropriate "in a relationship" is a sign that he still isn't loving me whole. I know it's paranoia and this is one of those issues that are "too big a deal for me but mean nothing to him". Well not really mean nothing, it's just that, they're not even supposed to be an issue in his book.

Still, it makes me feel like he hasn't accepted the fact that they are already not together and that he doesn't really love me.. not as much as I thought.

Paranoia has been my disease ever since time immemorial. But I have to say this one is justified. I hope he knows that.

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