Thursday, May 21

A Tear Fell..

I know this is fuckin' low and unimportant but am gonna rant it just the same 'coz in the long run, it'll make me feel better. But since it's too pathetic to share and too big a deal for me to just keep to myself, not to mention it's the second time I'm gonna talk about it, I'd put it here, my most trusted confidante.

I am so totally affected that up to now, he still writes married on forms, and/or clicks married on social networking sites where we are each other's contacts.

I know how much he loves me, God knows how much I feel it deep within me, even at this point when distance really is trying its best to change my mind. Also, the fact that he only uses the networking sites to establish a network of contacts in his job is a big reason for me not to really let it get to me.

But it still does They are legally separated for like 3 or 4 years now, and I feel like, he not changing his status into the appropriate "in a relationship" is a sign that he still isn't loving me whole. I know it's paranoia and this is one of those issues that are "too big a deal for me but mean nothing to him". Well not really mean nothing, it's just that, they're not even supposed to be an issue in his book.

Still, it makes me feel like he hasn't accepted the fact that they are already not together and that he doesn't really love me.. not as much as I thought.

Paranoia has been my disease ever since time immemorial. But I have to say this one is justified. I hope he knows that.

Friday, May 15


just had to let this out.. i love john! sobra! his patience, love and persistence just blows me away.. the way he makes me happy.. the way he makes me laugh. the way he hugs me when am out of sorts.. the way he makes love to me whenever words can't make me feel better..

i just love him.. so very much..

and so.. i'm enduring this time apart that we have between us right now.. looking forward to the day that i finally get to be with him again..

Wednesday, May 13

Some Rantin' and Ravin'

I was walking along my usual morning route from Ayala MRT to the office, a long walk that takes me about 15-20 minutes, inclusive of a stopover when I suddenly felt a burst of longing. Hard as it may to believe, it took me a while before I was able to find out what, or in this case who I was longing for to the point of pain: my teacup :'(

With Incubus' I Miss You, Jason Mraz's I'm Yours and Jefferson Starship's Nothing's Gonna Stop Us Now alternately blaring from my headset, I started shedding tears. Literal. I guess I'm just having a hard time adjusting with my new job that I relied on him for strength. To get me through the day, I look forward to the time that I'd finally get to be with him when it's time for me to go home and there he'll be, waiting for me with open arms, a kiss and an encouraging smile.

I miss that. I long for that. I badly need that.

But I have to endure the next few days because we both have things to do with our lives that need our attention, and so I have to be strong enough to face the next couple of weeks alone.

Not that my officemates are mean, they are far from what I'm used to. They go out of their way to be nice and sweet, and I so totally appreciate that. It's just a part of being a newbie, this syndrome of feeling out of place and not belonging.

I know I'll get over this, and pretty soon, John and I will be back in eachother's arms. But until then, I'd be depressed. To get the feeling out of the way so I can concentrate on good thigns to come.

Tuesday, May 12

My Dear 3Legged Friend :)

I made this article more than a year ago in honor of a great man. FYI, buhay siya, I know people would think he might be dead for me to write about him, but then, I was never one to wait for such an event before letting that person know how he means to me.

For some unknown reason, hindi niya ma-search ang article ko sa search engines though I have it sent to like over 50 article submission sites. So here na lang, tutal he always reads this blog to get updates about me and my life. :) So I hope on your next visit, you'd enjoy what you're about to read ;)

Labyu, pare. Salamat sa friendship. Uwi ka na so we could go to Dad's!!! *hugs*


I have met two great men recently and both have been a big part of my life.. One is now my boyfriend, the other, could be my twin, could be my soulmate, but let's call him my freak.

This is the story of how I met my 3LeggedFreak ;)

I was out of sorts for like ever since I could remember. Things were downside from almost all angles. I can't even begin to try looking at the positive side of things. All I feel is this utmost depression that made me feel like there are no better days to come.

But of course, I was wrong, and I thank God for that ;) for PEx not only gave me my ogre, Shrek, it also gave me a donkey ;) a loyal creature that surpasses not only my expectations, but also opened my eyes to that once again miracle of friendships.

We were playing at PEx's Gaming Room, a subforum where there are a lot of "makukulit" na games that we PExers get into, typical forum ng mga walang magawa, pero ayaw namang mag-effort masyado(that's how I view the subforum) kasi nga effortless ang ga sinasagot namin :D so we were there for like 6hrs, just answering each other's questions, trivias and whatevers, when finally, it occurred to yours truly that we could CHAT.

Stupid, stupid Tsootsai:D

And I finally sent him a PM(private message),asking for his YM ID and voila! we were like two monkeys who are up to no good. The way we chat, siguro kung magkaharap kami and naguusap talaga, ang ingay namen. :D

There's something about the guy I dunno what, that made me uber comfortable. Effortless ang pag-gaan ng loob ko sa kanya, it's like finding the other half of the broken arinola which is me :D and so I found a twin.. but I have no idea up to when are closeness would last. As with my history sa PEx, guys AND friends come and go, and despite me getting used to that fact, I still don't want to lose this newfound friend.

As expected, time and distance put itself between us. With the miles separating us from each other and the schedule that we both have, keeping in touch really takes effort, and this is even after we exchanged mobile numbers.

But you know what? All it took was a few cuss words(our very own vernacular of endearments), some smilies, and everything is back to normal, as if we weren't out of touch. I guess this is the magic of our friendship, that despite so many things that occupy both our minds, our hearts and our everyday lives, the bond that formed itself between us is something permanent, not just because we're both goats, but because we both care about each other.

Partida, hindi pa kami nagkikita niyan. What more pag nagkita na? :)

Looking forward to the days when I'll finally get to punch my 3LeggedFreak ;)

Nothing beats being a goat :D