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Monday, April 23

My ZALORA Wishlist

I am not into clothes. When I was a young girl, my wardrobe consists of boy's shorts, tshirts, and rubber slippers. Despite my gender, I am considered by everybody as one of the neighborhood boys; I look, play, talk, and even think like one.

Then came that period in our lives that we consider would either make or break us as a person: high school. The realization that I was a girl came to me on the first day of my freshman year: I felt butterflies in my stomach and my heart started pumping loudly AT THE SIGHT OF ONE BOY. That's right. I have a crush. Eww. It's like the feeling of Adam and Eve when they first bit the apple from the tree of knowledge of good and evil: they realized they were naked and they can't wait to find stuff to cover their privates. It felt that way, though to a lesser degree. I didn't do anything wrong. I was just ignorant, and I had my wake-up call. Ugh.

Back then, my mother, who has a certain concept of how girls should dress, is a successful careerwoman whose wardrobe consists of corporate attires in all colors and lengths, and jewelries (both fancy and real) in all shapes, colors, and sizes. Let's not forget to mention her love for shoes. Anyway, mom dresses me the way she dresses herself. Long sleeves, slacks, and leather shoes. Can you imagine how much I suffered in my high school days?

Fast forward to college, I pretty much was given a say as to what clothes I want to wear, but since I'm a big girl, the clothes I like do not come in my size, and those that fit me, I don't like their designs. The early years after the millennium kicked in, plussize women like me weren't that popular yet in the market. So I had no choice but to have the same set of clothes from my sophomore year in college until I graduate.

Then came the time when I started working. Imagine my joy when I can strut inside clothing stores and shoe boutiques in malls, and just choose what I want to wear and purchase it. I didn't believe what those self-help books say about feeling more confident if I wear the right clothes. But I realized that, as I started wearing the clothes that I bought, I felt more sure of myself, I started walking with pride, and I generally feel great about myself. I felt beautiful.

I'm in my late 20s now, and lately, I have been faced with problems that I don't even know what gets me going anymore. Yes, I have a boyfriend who would do anything for me; yes, I have my piglets (aka students) who are always ready to cheer me up; I have my dreams that even if they seem very far in the future at this point I still want to reach them; and I have my inner passion to overcome all of this struggles.

I felt renewed when I was given free reign over choosing what to wear. Now, I am given a chance to feel that again, and so I choose these 5 items that I simply like.

1. Vibram FiveFingers Footwear. I saw one of my students wearing this in class, and I told myself, when I can afford again, I will buy myself a pair. I like it's design and it will help me in my job hunting, as I live an hour and a half away from Metro Manila. My everyday travel to and from the companies that I apply for takes most of my time. Don't get me wrong, I love walking. It's the only exercise that I don't abhor. But if you do it in high-heeled shoes or just plain leather shoes, it is bound to make you hate even the short distance walks. Size 41 :D

2. Stamps Blue Eyes in Pastel Blue Watch. Blue is my ultimate favorite color and my eyes are my sexiest assets (err, I think so.) I was browsing the collection of watches that Zalora offers and I chanced upon this gorgeous watch and decided to just include it in the list. It simply called my name.

 
3. Prada Women's Shades. I have an eye problem. Maybe it's because I read too much or it's because I stay in front of the computer longer than anything I do in any day, but whenever I am outside, with the sunlight in my eyes, they just cry. Or rather they get teary. So now, I wear shades whenever I am in front of a computer, a television screen, even at night, and whenever I am outside. Mall lights also give me a hard time, so shades are more than a luxury for me; it's a necessity. Why Prada? All my shades, I've bought them below P100. I've never had any signature branded sunglasses. I like Prada because "The Devil Wears Prada" *insert demmonic laugh* :))

4. Twinky knee-high rutched wedge boots. One thing I have always wanted to wear that I never got the chance to buy for myself is a pair of boots. I can pair it in any of my skirts, pants, or dresses, and I'd still look nice (I hope). There was this one time that I went to a dance club, and they didn't let me in because it's a boots night and I'm wearing simple high-heeled shoes. I mean, I was excited for weeks that I was finally going to be able to enter THAT dance club that I went on diet so that I can save up for a complete set of clothes: a nice halter top, a short skirt, and killer heels. I even bought sexy underwear so that if ever I find myself in a "I'm-having-fun-and-I-don't-care-if-I'm-having-a-wardrobe-malfunction" situation, I'd still look nice! But lo and behold, my dreams were shattered. So there. I want these boots. Size 41 :D

5. Sassa Triangle Bikini Set (Red and Gray). I know, you must think me a lunatic for wanting a two-piece bikini set with my body size. But I own a few pairs of black two-piece swimsuits that I wore in my Boracay rendezvous in the past years so it's no big deal. I want to break the trend though, that most fat people like me wear black because it makes us look slimmer. Hell no. We can also wear other colors, FYI. And I want to wear this swimwear on my next Boracay escapade with my boyfriend (though God knows when that'll be).

So there, it's up to you, Zalora. I'm gonna pray that am one of the five ;)


http://www.zalora.com.ph/

Friday, July 23

Nuffnang and HEAVEN Ice Cream invite you to a special screening of ‘SALT’


HEAVEN



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Tuesday, October 6

Tsootsai Will Miss Moonfaerie

Moonfaerie is leaving Tsootsai soon and Tsootsai is very sad :( But of course, I understand why. It's just a matter of adjustment, and I know we will remain friends despite everything :)

Tsootsai wishes Moonfaerie luck in all her endeavors, whatever they may be. I know that God loves Moonfaerie, and God has been, is and will always be good to Moonfaerie and her family, and so instead of asking Papa God for more luck for Moonfaerie, I wish for strength to do more stuff now that Moonfaerie is free of the corporate world, wisdom to know how to enjoy life, and more Nini Pies :) I wanna meet Nini Pie pala before you leave Tsootsai ha? :)

Moonfaerie loves Tsootsai, too, right? And so, Tsootsai wants Moonfaerie to know that she loves her too.

Enjoy life, Moonfaerie. I'll see you someday in Paris. Trust me ;)

Thursday, September 24

Insensitivity

People around me tend to forget that despite the fact that I laugh with them at their jokes about me, that even though I don't get mad whenever they go way overboard when teasing, it doesn't mean I don't get affected.

All the more, it doesn't mean I don't get hurt.

Most of the time lately, I tend to ask God why can't people be like me? Why can't they think first about what the other person would feel or how it would affect an individual if he does or says something. What's a few seconds of consideration, especially if in the end it'll not hurt someone in the long run?

I guess what I'm saying is I'm hurt. I'm in pain.

And I need John to take this all away.

Monday, September 7

My Natal Chart Report :)

Natal Chart Report

What follows is your personal natal chart information, as well as interpretations of the positions and aspects in your chart.

With this report, you will find out the positions of the planets in your natal chart by sign. The most personal of these are the Sun sign, Moon sign, Mercury sign, Venus sign, and Mars sign. Most people already know their Sun sign. If your time of birth is known, you will also find out your Ascendant, or rising sign, as well as the positions of the planets in the houses of your chart. Aspects between the planets are also listed and interpreted.

Each paragraph of interpretation refers to an individual position in your chart. All of these positions and aspects are some of the "parts" that make up a "whole"--you! Some of these interpretations will be contradictory, just as people are contradictory. A person can be downright timid in love, and that same person can be aggressive in business. Not only that, we evolve and grow throughout our lives, facing challenges that help us to handle our positions and aspects in a different way. We all have choices, and one of the largest benefits of astrology is the ability to understand ourselves better so that we can work with our natal charts rather than against them. Any computerized report that interprets the individual placements in a natal chart is somewhat disjointed, simply because the different parts that make up the whole are not synthesized.

Some of the interpretations that follow are detailed, while others are brief. You can do some further reading about different positions (such as Moon in Libra, Saturn in the 10th house, Moon conjunct Mercury) in your chart by exploring our own site, other astrology sites, and by reading astrology books.

The tables here show the technical details of your natal chart, personalized based on your birth data. Below the tables is your free birth chart report.


Jane Francis Quinabo Sex F
Manila 0 Philippines 12/28/1984 14:47 - Julian day 2446063.45
Adjust 8.00 ST 13.21 Lat 14.35 Long -120.59


Planet Positions, Ascendant, & Houses

The following table shows the position of the planets in your chart, by sign and degree. On the right, you will find the sign of your Ascendant and the signs on the cusp of each house in your natal chart. The Roman Numerals refer to the houses, where the Ascendant is also the first house and the Midheaven is also the tenth house. For example, if the sign Taurus is next to Mars, you know your Mars is in Taurus. If the sign Libra is next to Venus, you know your Venus is in Libra. If Cancer is next to Ascendant, you have a Cancer Ascendant, and if Leo is next to II, Leo is on your 2nd house.


Zodiac in degrees 0.00 Placidus Orb:0
Sun Capricorn 7.25 Ascendant Capricorn 12.55
Moon Pisces 23.30 II Aquarius 14.59
Mercury Sagittarius 15.48 III Pisces 19.04
Venus Aquarius 22.55 IV Aries 21.59
Mars Pisces 2.49 V Taurus 21.09
Jupiter Capricorn 20.46 VI Gemini 17.18
Saturn Scorpio 24.27 VII Cancer 12.55
Uranus Sagittarius 15.12 VIII Leo 14.59
Neptune Capricorn 1.23 IX Virgo 19.04
Pluto Scorpio 4.18 Midheaven Libra 21.59
Lilith Aries 12.41 XI Scorpio 21.09
Asc node Taurus 26.49 XII Sagittarius 17.18





Aspects

The following table shows the planetary aspects in your natal chart. Short interpretations are found below.



Planet Aspect Planet Orb/Value
Sun Conjunction Neptune 6.02 191
Sun Sextile Pluto 3.07 72
Sun Conjunction Ascendant 5.30 180
Moon Sextile Jupiter 2.44 45
Moon Trine Saturn 0.57 115
Mercury Conjunction Uranus 0.36 289
Venus Conjunction Mars 9.53 6
Venus Square Saturn 1.31 -82
Venus Trine Midheaven 0.57 62
Mars Sextile Neptune 1.26 103
Mars Trine Pluto 1.29 86
Jupiter Sextile Saturn 3.41 7
Jupiter Conjunction Ascendant 7.51 21
Jupiter Square Midheaven 1.13 -20
Neptune Sextile Pluto 2.54 25
1202 -102 1100




Asteroids & Chiron

The following table shows the positions of the four major asteroids and Chiron. These points are not as commonly used by astrologers, but are presented here for those interested in knowing where the asteroids are positioned in their birth chart.

Chiron Gemini 4.43 R
Ceres Taurus 11.24
Pallas Pisces 12.18
Juno Libra 11.00
Vesta Libra 22.59
Fortune Aries 0.00
South node Aries 0.00

Natal Chart Report

Birth Chart

This birth chart report shows the positions of the planets for Jane Francis Quinabo .

The Sun represents vitality, a sense of individuality and outward-shining creative energy.

Sun in Capricorn

Capricorn is a feet-on-the-ground, eye-on-the-prize sign. Those with Sun in Capricorn have a realistic, grounded approach to life that can be seen no matter how dreamy the rest of the birth chart suggests. These people know how to do things, and to get things done. Some Capricorns naturally turn their backs on things they deem too frivolous. They are very much concerned with things that are worthwhile--and that includes their own lives. Capricorns want to do and be something worthwhile. Like their Earth signs relatives, Taurus and Virgo, they need to feel useful and effective in the real world in order to be satisfied with their lives. But the Capricorn spin on the earth signs is that Capricorn possesses a stronger need for recognition in a worldly sense. They have a strong sense of society and its framework, and they feel most secure when they feel they are doing their part within that framework.

Capricorns like to pare things down, and take pleasure in the simple things in life. However, many are attracted to status symbols and these ones will wear the best clothes (tasteful ones!) and drive quietly impressive cars. Comparing Capricorns to their symbol, the goat, brings up some interesting analogies. Solar Capricorns can see into the future, and plan for it. They don't mind taking things slowly, but they absolutely aim to get to the top of the mountain in life! They make their way steadily and sure-footedly; and their strength and singleness of purpose are admirable.

Capricorns can sometimes be rather lonely people, although they rarely let it show. They are often a little reserved--even standoffish. This is generally because they value all things practical, and they'll seldom wear their emotions on their sleeves, unless they have a particularly flamboyant Moon sign. This is a sign that is surely the most resourceful of the zodiac. To some, Capricorns come across as unimaginative, but they can be enormously creative when it comes to the material world. They are generally very capable people with a strong sense of tradition and responsibility.

Many Capricorns have mastered the art of making people laugh. Their sense of humor can be of the deadpan variety--they're generally excellent at keeping a straight face. They can be bitingly sarcastic, too. Capricorns are not known for taking too many risks in life. They value the beaten track and things "tried and true". This is not to say they are stick-in-the-muds -- they simply value the hard work laid down by those who've been around before them. Turn to your Capricorn friends for help when you need to really get things done. They'll have practical advice, and they'll help you organize and manage your life a little better. Capricorns are generally good with their "word", dependable, and rather loyal people.

Short description:

She is honest, reserved, circumspect, honorable and strong-willed. Quietly ambitious within the realms of the possible, she likes and takes on responsibility. She can work in the social domain.

Weaknesses: a sometimes bitter and mistrustful mind.

Capricorn ascendant Capricorn

Sun in XII

You have a tendency to be introspective and need some space and seclusion in order to pull up your strength. You may avoid the spotlight, and if you do find yourself in a public role, you tend to hide your true self behind that role! Because your will is directed inwards, you need to find a path for yourself that allows you to "get away from it all" at least some of the time. Honor your need to be alone with yourself, but avoid over-identifying with your inner world to the point that you truly feel alone in a crowd. You shine when you serve others in some way. Your compassion sets you apart from others, but try to work with it rather than let your compassion work against you by reinforcing your own sense of loneliness.

191 Conjunction Sun - Neptune

There is an unmistakably dreamy, inspired, and sensitive side to you. A marked appreciation for music and the arts is present. The connection of Neptune with the Sun, which represents the ego and the will, certainly softens some of the hard edges that might be found elsewhere in the chart, adding a sensitive and spiritual dimension to your personality. You are naturally compassionate. It is so completely natural for you to accept that there is more to the world than what is before your eyes, that you tend to presume everyone must be spiritually-inclined. Of course, you come to realize that this is not the case at some early point in your life. Your attraction to spirituality and metaphysical subjects is usually marked. These aspects favor writers, artists, and musicians. You are sensitive to those who are suffering, although you are not usually taken advantage of. You are humanitarian and may have a special connection with animals. If other aspects and positions in the chart support it, you are not one to dominate others or assert yourself to the point of brashness. You have a fertile imagination, are full of inspiration, and very emotional - all qualities that you may use on the professional level.

72 Sextile Sun - Pluto

You have much sexual vitality and passion. It is easy and natural for you to find a passion and pursue it, and to focus on a goal. You are not much scared of anything. You enjoy and embrace growth, especially of the psychological kind. You love a good mystery, and you are adept at solving it.You readily assign meaning to what others might consider "ordinary" events. You look for symbols, and read between the lines in most any situation. The physical vitality is generally strong, and the body is usually able to heal quickly. You are not afraid to get your hands dirty, and you are usually quick to help others--not only with mundane tasks, but also on a spiritual or psychological level. Your insight is sharp and sometimes awe-inspiring. You are perceptive and not easily rattled or surprised in life. You are not a do-gooder nor are you a law-breaker. However, you are not afraid of the "dark side" of human nature, and you will bend the rules from time to time if you feel the need to do so. You take particular pleasure in growth and life's lessons. You are not fond of superficiality, and are generally the first to spot pretense of any kind. You are passionate and can be intense. You have a hunger to experience more than just an "ordinary" life, and you can be quite ambitious. Some people with this aspect are perfectionists, demanding much from themselves and reasonable amounts of effort and honesty from others.

180 Conjunction Sun - Ascendant

It is easy and natural for you to be received well by others. There is a distinct air of authority and magnanimity surrounding you. The authority you project generally doesn't offend others, generally because sincerity is sensed at the same time. Most people would describe you as natural, easy to like, and friendly. You may have a marked interest in the performing arts and/or sports and games, both as a spectator and participant. This is an especially favorable aspect to have for those who are in the public eye.

The Moon represents the emotional responses, unconscious pre-destination, and the self-image.

Moon in Pisces

Lunar Pisceans are known to be dreamy and not always in touch with reality. However, though these people may not always show real-world savvy in day-to-day, practical affairs, they make up for this with remarkable intuition. They can put themselves in anybody's shoes with extreme ease. On the plus side, this endows them with remarkable compassion and love. The down side with this apparent ability to break down boundaries is that these people can easily lose themselves in the suffering of others. Their sense of humor is delightfully silly and a bit odd. These are perceptive souls who seem to be in touch with all the nuances and subtleties of human nature. Often this comes through in a strong sense of humor that is more of the receptive kind than the type of sense of humor that would make people the "life of the party". It's generally pretty easy to get them giggling.

Moon in Pisces people may get tagged as spaced out, but there's a lot more to them than meets the eye. They feel things out, and rely on their intuition. It just doesn't feel right for them to do otherwise. Their dreaminess can mean plenty of moments of absent-mindedness. These times of oblivion can land them in all sorts of predicaments with others who can too easily misunderstand these complex souls. Without plenty of space and time to daydream, Pisces Moons easily get overloaded with life. Give them room to be alone with themselves, and they're generally able to take on the world--even if their style when they do so is not always conventional or understandable. Generally considered soft-hearted and sweet, Lunar Pisceans care about others and are easily touched by human suffering. This tendency gains them the reputation as suckers for sob stories. Although this may sometimes be true, many Lunar Pisceans learn, in their lifetimes, how to discern between sincerity and manipulation. Still, they definitely do have plenty of soft corners.

In personal relationships, Lunar Pisceans are giving and yielding. They are generally open on a sexual level, in a quiet way. Their fantasies can be far-reaching, intricate, and rich with emotion. Love is closely tied in with their sexuality. Most Lunar Pisceans are shy; they need a trustworthy lover to bring them out. There's a delightful accepting side to Moon in Pisces that is sometimes mistaken for weakness. Pisces is the twelfth and last sign of the zodiac, and thus carries with it a little of each sign of the zodiac. As a result, they see themselves reflected in the behavior of others, giving them seemingly boundless compassion. Since the Moon represents our instinctive nature, Moon in Pisces seems to know how things feel without actual experience. For example, they may have never had sex, but seem to know all about it -- even, or especially, the subtleties of it. The ones that aren't too shy make awesome actors and actresses. This ability to empathize even in the absence of experience gives them an open mind and heart. Most long to express this through writing, music (both listening and making), poetry, and art -- in fact, the happiest people with this position do just that. Though some are doormats, most Pisces Moon people instinctively know when they're due for a much-needed recharge. It's at these times that they retreat from the world (and its harsh realities) if only to gather strength to face everything and everyone again. Solitude is important to them, but they also need people, so their retreats will usually be short-lived. Pisces Moon individuals believe; and, let's face it, the world needs Piscean leaps of faith.

Short description:

Imaginative, sharp insights. She is impressionable, with an abundant imagination. Gentle, warm, humorous, artistic.

Weaknesses: troubles caused by too much sentimentality, worries, problems, unhealthy imagination, nervousness.

Moon in III

Highly imaginative, but has difficulty in concentrating. She fantasizes sometimes. Important studies, moves around a lot and travels frequently.

45 Sextile Moon - Jupiter

She is generally pleasantly composed, due to an inner sense of harmony and emotional balance. She is optimistic--and realistically so, most of the time--which contributes to her overall "luck". She is able to get a real perspective on emotional matters that not only benefits her outlook, she is able to offer support to others when needed. Broad-mindedness is a wonderful characteristic. Quick to find humor in situations, she is generally warm and fun to be around. Deep down, she believes in the basic goodness of people and of life in general, and this basic and natural attitude helps her to attract positive circumstances and to make good connections. One of her best qualities is tolerance. Usually, she doesn't take life too seriously in the sense that she believes in having a bit of fun. her hunches are more often than not bang-on.

She is frank, honest, optimistic and generous. She likes good cooking, her comforts. Her friendships are sincere. She is a worker and knows how to surround herself with the right people: she is appreciated at work.

115 Trine Moon - Saturn

She controls her feelings. She has a sense of duty, of self-esteem and is prudent. She can concentrate on a long-term task, manual or intellectual. She perseveres and is serious in everything she does.

Mercury represents communication, Cartesian and logical spirit.

Mercury in Sagittarius

Enthusiastic, humorous, and sometimes moralistic. She has strong opinions, and often shares them! Democrat, philosopher, tolerant, respectful of laws. Interested in foreign places and learning more languages. Believes that everything teaches you something.

Mercury in XI

She has lots of friends. She likes intelligent, cultivated people which whom she can have verbal battles: she likes debates, interminable discussions. She likes to be friends with younger people: friends come and go.

289 Conjunction Mercury - Uranus

She is perspicacious, ingenious: she binds intelligence and originality together with genius. She likes literature, especially fiction. She is spontaneous in her friendships and knows how to take advantage of the situations that arise.

Venus represents an interest for emotions and values, exchange and sharing with others.

Venus in Aquarius

Venus in Aquarius people try to impress you with their open-minded, future-thinking spirit. They want you to see them as unique, rebellious, and a little provocative. They are attractive when they are acting a little aloof. They want you to acknowledge and appreciate that they don't follow the beaten track in matters of the heart. Venus in Aquarius men and women are attracted to unusual or unconventional relationships. They don't want to follow all the rules, although they may make quite a few of their own. They can appear quite standoffish at times, and are threatened by restrictions of any kind. Emotional types may be put off by their detached manner in love. Venus in Aquarius wants you to love them for their intellect, and to admire their visions. They value lovers who are also good friends, and they avoid emotional displays or confrontations like the plague. Venus in Aquarius will delight in shocking you with their unusual ways and their forward-looking thinking.

Pleasing Venus in Aquarius involves letting them know just how interesting they are. Put up with their occasional need to act superior on an intellectual level -- they are very proud of their unique ideas and visions. Dream along with them, and don't fence them in. They need space and will happily return the favor, giving you lots of room to breathe and to be yourself.

Venus in II

There is a link between emotional life and money. She is helped by friends or by a person to whom she is emotionally linked. Takes advantage of friendships for professional success. Activities connected with beauty, aesthetics, finery. Danger: big spending.

6 Conjunction Venus - Mars

She is amorous, not a peaceful and calm lover but a passionate one with a strong temperament. She is demonstrative in love, and likes healthy pleasures. She enjoys life to the full.

-82 Square Venus - Saturn

This aspect sometimes means unhealthy sensuality. She is hard, and does not know how to express her emotions. She is frightened of showing her love, and this leads to disappointments, break-ups, lack of satisfaction. It is likely that she had problems with her mother, who did not know how to love her or give her self-confidence. She doubts, is suspicious and jealous. She will learn how to be happy in love, to be at ease with herself and to control her jealousy in the second half of her life, thanks to an older person, who gives her self-confidence back to her, so she can then trust others.

62 Trine Venus - Midheaven

She has good taste, has an affectionate nature, her love is warm and deep, based on intellectual understanding and common tastes. Her friends are useful in furthering her career.

Mars represents the desire for action and physical energy.

Mars in Pisces

Mild-tempered and gentle, these guys and gals move through life in a manner that can hardly be considered direct. Mars is the planet of action and assertion, and Pisces is a passive sign that rarely asserts itself in a direct fashion. So the placement of Mars in Pisces is an unusual combination. Sometimes prone to feelings of guilt about their anger, and difficulties with asserting themselves, Mars in Pisces individuals seem to "go with the flow". This is certainly not a very active position for Mars, and natives will often let life "happen" instead of trying to control their life direction. This is a charming position, as individuals with Mars in Pisces don't appear like they are capable of harming a fly. However, those that don't find creative expression for this energy can stir up a storm through indirect aggression.

Mars in Pisces people are not averse to playing games to get what they want, although even they don't always know exactly what they do want! Their desires are changeable and moody, and it's hard to really know where these natives stand on any particular issue. Alternatively, some Mars in Pisces people do take a stand on issues that are Piscean in nature, making compassion and love their mission. Energy levels fluctuate a lot, coming in bursts of activity followed by inertia. Because it can be difficult to align this ebbing and flowing of energy in the day-to-day world as it is, finding a job that supports this may be tough. The happiest Mars in Pisces individuals are those that have a creative outlet that allow them to express their desires of the moment, their compassion--and even their anger--freely and imaginatively. An example of Mars in Pisces is Bono, lead singer of U2, who seems to have found the perfect outlet for his creativity through his music, and as a spokesperson for love and compassion.

Mars in II

She undertakes daring and dangerous enterprises. She has lots of initiative. She works hard for her money, of which she earns a lot. She is a spendthrift, money comes and goes. She is always ready to start from scratch in the event of a setback. Great willingness and enthusiasm.

103 Sextile Mars - Neptune

Her feelings are dominated by wisdom and geared towards the ideal. She likes water, sea voyages. She likes odd people.

86 Trine Mars - Pluto

She is ambitious, has a great capacity for work, has self-confidence and goes to the end of her plans.

Jupiter represents expansion and grace.

Jupiter in Capricorn

She attracts the most good fortune when she organizes and directs, conducts herself with integrity, is ethical, and mature.

Jupiter in I

She is jovial, expansive, dynamic, kindly, altruistic. She has good judgement, is tolerant and likes food. She has a good education and a prosperous life.

7 Sextile Jupiter - Saturn

She is serious, patient, honest, hard-working, orderly. Her judgement is good and she thinks over things. She pursues her objectives to the bitter end, always knowing when to choose the right moment. She is upright and respects the law.

21 Conjunction Jupiter - Ascendant

She likes meeting friends, around a good meal and in a cordial atmosphere. She is pleasant, jovial and engaging.

-20 Square Jupiter - Midheaven

She likes to vaunt herself too much, is pretentious. Only one thing interests her: herself - and she brings every conversation around to herself. She has highs and lows in her professional life.

Saturn represents contraction and effort.

Saturn in Scorpio

Observant, self-controlled, unforgiving, tough, methodical, a researcher, an investigator. Lots of courage, self-assurance and can keep her cool.

Weaknesses: makes no concessions or compromises. She can become a fanatic of a creed, a party, work or a religion.

Saturn in XI

She appreciates the company of older people of intelligence and good counsel. These will help success in professional life. She has few friends and has difficulty in finding a partner. She is very reserved.

Uranus represents individual liberty, egoistic liberty.

Uranus in Sagittarius

She is shy, delicate but proud, bold and lively.

Uranus in XI

Her freedom is important to her, even with regard to friends. These are extravagant, original, intellectual. They are not from the same background and have a different up-bringing.

Neptune represents transcendental liberty, non-egoistic liberty.

Neptune in Capricorn

She is discerning, wise and sensible.

Neptune in XII

She likes isolation, a withdrawn life, dreams and meditation. She has little desire for action.

25 Sextile Neptune - Pluto

Pluto represents transformations, mutations and elimination.

Pluto in Scorpio

Great sexual activity.

House I is the area of self identity. The ascendant is a symbol of how one acts in life. It is the image of the personality as seen by others, and the attitude that one has towards life.

Capricorn ascendant Capricorn

Ascendant in Capricorn

There's a seriousness to Capricorn rising people that is unmistakable. Even when they're joking around, it's of the deadpan variety. In fact, plenty of very humorous people have Capricorn Ascendants. It's all in the timing...and the fact that they don't giggle before the joke is over. Capricorn Ascendant people project competence. They simply ooze it. They're generally very image-conscious people--the clothes they wear and their manner are a big deal to them. They want to appear successful, and they generally succeed! Often the Ascendant persona is the one that was forced upon us by family conditioning. For example, parents may label their Libra Ascendant child the "nice" one; their Aries Ascendant child the "independent" one; and their Pisces Ascendant child is generally the space cadet of the family. We adopt these roles as familiar ones, and often carry them with us as our defense mechanisms, in some way or another, for the rest of our lives. In the case of Capricorn Ascendants, these were the children who were considered the responsible ones. Sometimes, it was they themselves who looked around them and felt the need to be the structured, dependable, and responsible members of the family. So, often, Capricorn rising people adopted a strong sense of tradition, family, and responsibility at a very young age.

Capricorn rising people are generally big on family, and forever worry about security--for themselves and their dependents. They come across to others as hard-working, competent, and dependable people. What others may not see under that cool, even suave, exterior, is an inner struggle: they often ask themselves, "Am I doing enough?", "Do I deserve all of this?", "How can I make things better?" They worry a lot about the future. If success seemed to have come easy to these folks, it hasn't. They just made it look that way with a patient, hard-working, driven personality. Some Capricorn rising people practice some form of self-denial. They know how to do away with the frivolous. Still, they'll spend money on the clothes they really want (the ones with the right labels, that is), and other status symbols. Although they're rarely showy, their quiet air of success is often a result of conscious effort. More often than not, Capricorn rising individuals are success stories. Their childhoods may have been difficult, but they slowly but surely turn their lives around. Saturn rules this Ascendant, and this generally means a kind of backwards way of living--as children, they are serious and bear a lot of responsibility; and as they grow up, they age beautifully, learning how to loosen up.

House II is the area of material security and values. It rules money and personal finances, sense of self-worth and basic values, personal possessions.

House II in Aquarius

Success in professional life won't take place without the help of friends and protectors. While she might earn enormous amounts, she can lose as much if not even more. Best financial success through networking with others. Might succeed in business on the internet.

House III is the area of social and intellectual learning.

House III in Pisces

Ideas are somewhat changeable, and her humor as well. Travel, sea voyages or work connected with the sea.

House IV is the area of home, family, roots, and deep emotions/sense of self-worth.

House IV in Aries

Lots of authority within the family. She knows how to take the destiny of the family in hand. She is very energetic, very strong, knowing how to cope with life's setbacks.

House V is the area of creative self-expression, romance, entertainment, children, and gambling.

House V in Taurus

A pleasant home, a charming husband, loving and sweet children, nice little meals, pleasant evenings with the loved one, that's the good life.

House VI is the area of learning by material transaction.

House VI in Gemini

Good secretary, or equally good sales rep. Weak point: the nerves, sometimes also the lungs.

House VII is the area of one-to-one relationships such as marriage and partnership, and of social and intellectual action.

House VII in Cancer

Marriage, a nice little family. The spouse will not always be easy to live with, a little too mad.

House VIII is the area of emotional security and of security of the soul.

House VIII in Leo

Have regular check-ups on the heart and arteries.

House IX is the area of learning that shapes the identity.

House IX in Virgo

She is devoted to all causes that bring comfort or help to people in difficulty.

House X is the area of material action. The Mid-heaven represents the work one will do in his life, the place one will take in the world of society. It becomes more important as one grows older

House X in Libra

Contacts of all kinds will lead to social success, professional, through marriage etc... Likes society life, friendships that could help professionally. Sometimes jobs connected with justice, but always involved with important and influential people.

House XI is the area of search for social and intellectual security.

House XI in Scorpio

Adores to debate endlessly with friends who don't share her ideas. The discussion can lead to words, even a certain verbal violence.

House XII is the area of education and of emotion.


House XII in Sagittarius

Problems abroad, or with foreigners, or flight abroad, exile.


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Sunday, July 26

Sure Signs For You To Change Careers

I wanna share this to friends who are confused. Just like me. With regards to their respective, current careers.

Ang Pinaka Sure Signs That It's Time For A Career Change.

10. Your company is unstable
9. You’re the wrong person in the wrong job.
8. Your health is compromised.
7. Your work relationship is not good
6. Your job bores you.
5. You feel burned out
4. You’re not allowed to explore your full potential
3. Your salary is not enough
2.You have no personal growth anymore
1. Your not happy with your job

Thursday, June 4

=)

to my one and only bebang,

i may be rude, egoistic, mean, brat and others, but i want you to know na.. sayo lang ako ganun.. haha! joke lang ;) seriously, beneath my oh-so-mean nature is a heart and a friend that is forever loyal to you.

yes, it's true that the kind of friend i am to you is the kind of friend i am with others, esp if i care about them.. but know that despite you being one of many, your value to me is one in not only a million but infinity ;)

i know at times i make life hard for you. think of it as your anchor to sanity and reality, that i serve as that one proof that despite everything being mundane, there is still one thing good about all of it, and that is the presence of one person who'll stand with you through it all :)

ako yun :p

at times, i may sound like i'm giving up on you, or get tired from listening, hey, maybe i will in the future.. but it's just a phase, a part of my human side that i can overcome.. keep in mind that i will always go back to being the friend that you need.. the one who listens ALL THE TIME.. :)

just be patient ;)

iloveyou, bebang :D

-tsutsay(that's how momo spelled it,haha!)

Thursday, May 21

A Tear Fell..

I know this is fuckin' low and unimportant but am gonna rant it just the same 'coz in the long run, it'll make me feel better. But since it's too pathetic to share and too big a deal for me to just keep to myself, not to mention it's the second time I'm gonna talk about it, I'd put it here, my most trusted confidante.

I am so totally affected that up to now, he still writes married on forms, and/or clicks married on social networking sites where we are each other's contacts.

I know how much he loves me, God knows how much I feel it deep within me, even at this point when distance really is trying its best to change my mind. Also, the fact that he only uses the networking sites to establish a network of contacts in his job is a big reason for me not to really let it get to me.

But it still does They are legally separated for like 3 or 4 years now, and I feel like, he not changing his status into the appropriate "in a relationship" is a sign that he still isn't loving me whole. I know it's paranoia and this is one of those issues that are "too big a deal for me but mean nothing to him". Well not really mean nothing, it's just that, they're not even supposed to be an issue in his book.

Still, it makes me feel like he hasn't accepted the fact that they are already not together and that he doesn't really love me.. not as much as I thought.

Paranoia has been my disease ever since time immemorial. But I have to say this one is justified. I hope he knows that.

Friday, May 15

Sadness

just had to let this out.. i love john! sobra! his patience, love and persistence just blows me away.. the way he makes me happy.. the way he makes me laugh. the way he hugs me when am out of sorts.. the way he makes love to me whenever words can't make me feel better..

i just love him.. so very much..

and so.. i'm enduring this time apart that we have between us right now.. looking forward to the day that i finally get to be with him again..

Wednesday, May 13

Some Rantin' and Ravin'

I was walking along my usual morning route from Ayala MRT to the office, a long walk that takes me about 15-20 minutes, inclusive of a stopover when I suddenly felt a burst of longing. Hard as it may to believe, it took me a while before I was able to find out what, or in this case who I was longing for to the point of pain: my teacup :'(

With Incubus' I Miss You, Jason Mraz's I'm Yours and Jefferson Starship's Nothing's Gonna Stop Us Now alternately blaring from my headset, I started shedding tears. Literal. I guess I'm just having a hard time adjusting with my new job that I relied on him for strength. To get me through the day, I look forward to the time that I'd finally get to be with him when it's time for me to go home and there he'll be, waiting for me with open arms, a kiss and an encouraging smile.

I miss that. I long for that. I badly need that.

But I have to endure the next few days because we both have things to do with our lives that need our attention, and so I have to be strong enough to face the next couple of weeks alone.

Not that my officemates are mean, they are far from what I'm used to. They go out of their way to be nice and sweet, and I so totally appreciate that. It's just a part of being a newbie, this syndrome of feeling out of place and not belonging.

I know I'll get over this, and pretty soon, John and I will be back in eachother's arms. But until then, I'd be depressed. To get the feeling out of the way so I can concentrate on good thigns to come.

Tuesday, May 12

My Dear 3Legged Friend :)

I made this article more than a year ago in honor of a great man. FYI, buhay siya, I know people would think he might be dead for me to write about him, but then, I was never one to wait for such an event before letting that person know how he means to me.

For some unknown reason, hindi niya ma-search ang article ko sa search engines though I have it sent to like over 50 article submission sites. So here na lang, tutal he always reads this blog to get updates about me and my life. :) So I hope on your next visit, you'd enjoy what you're about to read ;)

Labyu, pare. Salamat sa friendship. Uwi ka na so we could go to Dad's!!! *hugs*

=====================================================================================

I have met two great men recently and both have been a big part of my life.. One is now my boyfriend, the other, could be my twin, could be my soulmate, but let's call him my freak.

This is the story of how I met my 3LeggedFreak ;)

I was out of sorts for like ever since I could remember. Things were downside from almost all angles. I can't even begin to try looking at the positive side of things. All I feel is this utmost depression that made me feel like there are no better days to come.

But of course, I was wrong, and I thank God for that ;) for PEx not only gave me my ogre, Shrek, it also gave me a donkey ;) a loyal creature that surpasses not only my expectations, but also opened my eyes to that once again miracle of friendships.

We were playing at PEx's Gaming Room, a subforum where there are a lot of "makukulit" na games that we PExers get into, typical forum ng mga walang magawa, pero ayaw namang mag-effort masyado(that's how I view the subforum) kasi nga effortless ang ga sinasagot namin :D so we were there for like 6hrs, just answering each other's questions, trivias and whatevers, when finally, it occurred to yours truly that we could CHAT.

Stupid, stupid Tsootsai:D

And I finally sent him a PM(private message),asking for his YM ID and voila! we were like two monkeys who are up to no good. The way we chat, siguro kung magkaharap kami and naguusap talaga, ang ingay namen. :D

There's something about the guy I dunno what, that made me uber comfortable. Effortless ang pag-gaan ng loob ko sa kanya, it's like finding the other half of the broken arinola which is me :D and so I found a twin.. but I have no idea up to when are closeness would last. As with my history sa PEx, guys AND friends come and go, and despite me getting used to that fact, I still don't want to lose this newfound friend.

As expected, time and distance put itself between us. With the miles separating us from each other and the schedule that we both have, keeping in touch really takes effort, and this is even after we exchanged mobile numbers.

But you know what? All it took was a few cuss words(our very own vernacular of endearments), some smilies, and everything is back to normal, as if we weren't out of touch. I guess this is the magic of our friendship, that despite so many things that occupy both our minds, our hearts and our everyday lives, the bond that formed itself between us is something permanent, not just because we're both goats, but because we both care about each other.

Partida, hindi pa kami nagkikita niyan. What more pag nagkita na? :)

Looking forward to the days when I'll finally get to punch my 3LeggedFreak ;)

Nothing beats being a goat :D

Thursday, February 26

March 5, 2008 =)

I think some of you know how us started more than a year ago. For those who don't, this is an accounting. ;) The real life Shrek and Fiona of PExlandia =D

I met him in one of my petix nights at work. I got a PM(private message) from a certain "jandeaux" who asked for my number. He left his. I contemplated on ignoring him, but I got really intrigued of the French username that I decided not to reply BUT to instead text him so he'll know my number.

"Hi! Got your PM! Eeyan here aka RMM(readmymind). God bless!"

Message sent. seconds after that, I got a reply. Wow! Uhaw sa katext? Haha! I read the message and then decided to ignore him. Got work to do and I can't afford being caught texting.

The next day, I got a "good morning,ingat pagpasok!", "good afternoon, don't forget lunch!", "good evening,ingat pag-uwi!" at isang tambak na quotes from John(sabi niya yun name niya,haha!). Literally flooded, but he got nothing from me but my silence. Still, he was so patient, hindi ko nga alam kung saan niya nakuha ang dedication niya na magforward ng not less than 20 text messages a day sa 'kin and God knows how many else textmates he got for himself.

A month of ignoring him(yes,A MONTH! as in 30 full days)lead to that one fateful night when I was so freakin' depressed na gusto ko mapag-isa muna. I was in Ortigas Park crying my heart out with only AMF(my iPod video)and my cellphone for company. People were staring at me in wonder, unspoken questions in their eyes. I didn't care. I am in my own world where no one but me and my pains exist. No one at least, until he texted.

"Hi Eeyan! Kamusta? I'm inviting you to have coffee with me and dinner aferwards or vice versa this weekend sa High Street! My treat! I just want to share my blessings kasi with you! You've been nice to me!"

For those who are constant victims of his texts, aware naman na kayo na walang ibang kilala si John kundi question mark at exclamation point. Period and comma are not in his vocabulary so I was imagining him shouting the invitation kung sakaling kaharap ko siya. ;)

I was open mouthed! Nice daw ako???? E dedma galore nga ako sa kanya? But courtesy prompted me to reply, finally.

"Hi, John! Sorry for the super late reply, actually ang tyaga mo. Haha! Salamat sa quotes! Night shift kasi ako, and I go home to Bulacan pa. Bihira ako sa QC kasi matao, I wouldn't be able to rest much. Ingat ka na lang and congratulations! Ano nga pala nabenta mo? Hehe! Next time na lang. Medyo depressed din kasi ako ngayon."

I was depressed because of "him". Our story is not for public reading so let's just say that.. that man is evil. Literally. Incarnate. Upon hearing my depression, John started flooding me again! I was so stunned, I didn't know if mata-touch ako or maaasar. His messages were sweet, very sweet nga to the point na inappropriate na kasi, first time ko pa lang siyang replyan tapos ganun. Nagdalawang isip pa kong sumagot. But then, one message stood out, and I think that was what changed everything sa 'ming dalawa.

"Sabi ng mga tao sa Single's Wall strong ka diba??????? So be strong! At tsaka andito ako, friend!"

Friend? Wushu! Friend your face :p

I had no plans na of going to work with the state I'm in, but I don't wanna go home either. So to keep me from being insane with depression, I said yes to texting him. I just remembered that my boss is on leave that night.

I had a nice time with my newfound confidante. I was still hesitant about how much I’d share, though. It’s not for lack of trust or fear of impression. It’s just that, I thought he wouldn’t understand. In all my years, one thing I learned in life is not to explain more than what’s necessary to someone who won’t even make an effort to understand where I’m coming from. He told me na anjan lang siya, willing to listen. And listen he did =)

He went to sleep around 2AM na, first time ko siyang replyan, sinulit niya haha!

The next day, he woke up and surprised me with a "good evening, eeyan! ingat pag-uwi! don't forget dinner!" message for me. It made me smile. Genuinely. The thought of him adjusting his messages to suit my schedule, I find it so sweet, beyond words. Just last night I was down with depression and now, not 6 hours later, kinikilig ako anew. What the??

When I woke up early evening to prepare for work, I have a "good morning, eeyan! ingat pagpasok! eat breakfast huh?! mwah!" message from John. Wow. Talk about effort.

You might ask me why I trusted the guy with my problem that night. My answer is I have no idea except I know I needed to let it out. John is nice enough to care to listen and stranger enough not to run into some of my friends who know all about "him". And so I shared.

On my way to work, I was texting him, again, and that became a nightly habit for me. One I didn't know would last until today, as I write this. He was persistent on asking me out to dinner and coffee, and I was as persistent in turning him down. I am in no mood to go out with anyone, not to mention that alarm bells are warning me that this guy might like me, another point against him and another reason to not go out.

Slowly, I was on the path to recovery thanks to John. Walang sawang nakikinig, nagpi-flirt(opo!malandi siya noon pa!), nagpaparamdam, hala! Di ko alam what to make of what he was showing me back then. Hindi sa anupaman but I guess being a PExer and being in clans for so many years made me get used to guys making paramdam. I’m not saying hindi ako kinikilig, hindi ako affected.. I WAS! Pero I was thinking back then na it wouldn’t last, yung "attraction" niya sa ‘ken. Boy, was I wrong!

It was the early days of March when I started harboring thoughts of "what ifs". What if makipagkita ako sa kanya? What if pumayag akong ilabas niya ko? What if ako ang magyaya?

It was March that I started a new day job(finally!). It was in one of my trips to the office that John and I had "THAT" conversation.

Traffic, and we were both on the road, I was off to Makati and he's bound for Serendra for a meeting with a client. He said the songs playing in the cab are like signs for him to finally take the risk. Simply Jessie was among them and that was the first time that he dedicated the song to me. I know what he was talking about but typical girly me wanted to hear it just the same. So I prodded and prodded until he gave in and admitted that he was falling for me.

"I know it’s a great risk for me, huh! Pero I think I’m falling in love with you!"

I have heard declarations of love countless of times, real and otherwise. But never yung ganun ka-unsure. I could feel him hesitating, I misinterpreted the reason for it though because I was being my typical selfish self: I thought he was hesitant because of pride.. Na baka iniisip niya, magri-risk siya sa ‘ken pero not 100% kasi masakit din yung ma-reject. I didn’t know there’s more to him that I didn't know.

March 4, 2008 at around 9PM, we were texting that lasted until around 3AM the next day. I was in QC that time, I wasn't able to go home to Bulacan because of my period, and I can't travel farther. We talked about everything under the sun. John is wise, and I like the way he admits things na hindi niya alam. He isn't afraid to ask questions, and he accepts it when he's wrong. We debated on numerous topics, discussed PEx, life and love and all intricate topics webbing themselves between and around us.

Around 4AM, my mom texted me and asked if I'm feeling better. Groggy and sleepy, I replied, "Yes po, I love you!" and then gave in to slumber.

A few hours later, I woke up with a full inbox. All from John. I smiled, and started reading.. and got the shock of my life.

MAY BOYFRIEND NA KO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Apparently, I sent him my reply to my mom's inquiry and I didn't bother checking. I was also shocked to find out that his last text before we both slept was "Antok ka na? I love you, Eeyan!" and the message he got from me can be considered an appropriate response.

I'm trapped!

I prepared for work, taking my time in the shower and then resumed thinking about the mess I'm in in the cab on my way to work. I enumerated reasons why I have to break up. Numero uno, wrong sent lang ako. Second, I don't wanna be unfair. If ever in the near future I decide to give John a chance, it would be because I fell in love with him, not because I am in dire need of someone to help me move on from a previous flame. John deserves my heart whole, not half. Third, I like him, yes. Very much as a matter of fact, but I don't love him. And stupid as it may sound, I still believe in fairytales.

When I got to the office, I got a call from John asking that we meet up later that night. I panicked! But like one of his clients, he sweet-talked me into meeting up and before I knew it, I have a dinner date for that night. With my.. err, boyfriend. Looking back, he did every tactic to get me to agree to go out with him, to the point of desperation, and maybe that's why I agreed. And also to get it over with.

I logged-on to Friendster and tried finding him. Anonymous naman ako mag-view so it doesn't matter, he wouldn't know I peeked into his account. And I got the surprise of my life.

Married.

A 7-letter word that gave me geesebumps(goose pala) all over.

I was hurt and sad, hurt because he kept it from me, sad because even after the hesitations, at the back of my mind, I was contemplating on giving us both a chance to be together.

The whole afternoon flew and before I know it, it was time to go.

I got a message that John is downstairs na. I wanted to leave the office via the Fire Exit. AYOKO MAGPAKITA SA KANYA!!! But something inside me, my conscience, I think, wanted me to at least take into consideration his effort of finding where my office is, and the amount of persuasion he gave me that afternoon. Plus, it's better to break up with him in person.

And so I stepped into what would be the longest elevator ride of my life. Partida, 3rd floor lang ang office ko.

At first sight, he hugged me real tight and kissed me. What the? He smiled though, pinched my cheek and then took my hand, and we started walking towards Yellow Cab in Greenbelt.

I was babbling all the while, and he was just looking at me, holding my hand, smiling so wide na parang mapupunit na yung mukha niya. I keep asking myself how the hell can someone be that happy?

Sa Yellow Cab, he ate. I watched and thought of how to break up with him. When he was done, I started chewing the pizza and the meatball pasta. They used to be my favorite, but my nerves were at breaking point, I didn't know how to start a breakup speech.

Then, the ogre took my hand, held it tightly in his chest, and began his story.

He was married with a daughter, but he's been legally separated for two years now, the time the conversation was taking place. He was trembling, but he told his tale with strength. He did everything to save the marriage, but to no avail.

He told me, while looking into my eyes with tears in his, that the reason why he wanted to meet up with me today, the day I supposedly officially accepted him as my boyfriend, is because he wanted to tell that to me. That he never meant to keep it from me, he just wants to tell it in person, and to see my reaction.

And he wants things to end in person should that be my decision.

I’ve never felt so special until that moment. For him to tell me the truth that early on in our relationship, not keeping it from me, risking everything, even the relationship he just had, is way, way out-of-this-world overwhelming.

The thing is, John risked everything he worked so hard for. And it was then that I realized that I was in love.

And I kissed him =)

That was a year ago, and so many things have happened since then. We've been through so many things together and yet I still find it hard to believe it was only a year that has passed since we've been a couple. Madami na kami nakainan, napasyalan, nasimbahan, napuntahan, nagawa, wah! Naisuko ko pa ang Bataan! :p Damn, I love you!

Society's norms are against me in this relationship, but I was prepared. I re-entered "us" that night in Yellow Cab with the determination that by hook or by crook, I will make this work. I can already see my mom and dad's reaction, not to mention some of my closest friends, hell, all my relatives pa! But I reminded myself that I never let other people's reaction affect my judgment, my decisions and my life. Being the typical Capricorn the Goat, I live true to form. Stubborn.

I was once told that between John and me, I'm the one with more choices. Madaming guys na single, madaming guys na ka-age ko, why am I going out with someone 13 years my senior? Anu naman daw mapapala ko sa tulad niya when I can have my pick of the guys who wanna go out with me. I told that person na I didn't get into the relationship for personal gain. That's about the stupidest reason one can give me for getting into one. I find it selfish not to mention downright unfair.

A lot of people also told me of the risks. Na kesyo sasaktan lang ako ni John, na magsasawa lang din siya sa ken, etc etc. But you know what, guys? I don't care. Signs lead him to me, and fate made us cross each other's paths. Who am I to intervene with unworldly forces? This is a cosmic miracle happening in my very life.

He has been one of the greatest blessings I've ever had, and I'm not saying that as a head-over-heels girlfriend. I am stating a fact. Just like I said seven months ago on my birthday blog for him, no one and I mean no one can be perfectly meant for me as John. He puts up with my tantrums, he listens to my rants, he hugs and kisses me whenever I'm feeling down, always keeping his distance whenever I need space and yet close enough to offer moral support. All immaterial things considered, John and I are overflowing.

Yes, he sucks at delivering jokes, he's cornier than all those messages they publish in tabloids, heck, he is a living tribute to jokes of years ago! But he still makes me smile and laugh my heart and throat out.

A clown, a lover, a pillow, a partner. A best friend, a diary, a critic, a joker. A pet, a radio, a teacher, a fan. A toy, a father, a son, a man.

Happy anniversary, Lamberto!!! Jane Francis loves you very, very much! =D

Friday, February 20

Happy Valentine's Day =)

We had an argument, our very first argument in our 11 months together, last Friday the 13th, the day before Valentine's Day.

It was a miscommunication about our date, I thought he cancelled on me, and it really got to my nerves when in reality, we'd just meet up late as opposed to the original plan where we'd give the day an early start. Anyway, we talked it out that same night and when we hang up during the early hours of Hearts Day, it was decided that we'd meet 5pm. Greenbelt Chapel.

I wasn't feeling well when I woke up. It was the weather combined with my recent accident where I was hit by a motorcycle. Still, after reading his good morning message, I decided to go, and so I prepared.

I was in the middle of this very thick Julie Garwood novel, sitting next to this hunk of a guy at Powerbooks Live! in Greenbelt when I got a call from him, saying he's already at the chapel. When the call was done, I stared at the book in my hand and glanced sideways at the guy next to me. I was thinking then that I could make him wait for several minutes so I could finish the novel that I was reading, but since I was already feeling dizzy and groggy from the bookstore's never ending bossa nova background music and I felt a sudden urge to start our Valentine's Day, I decided to go to him.

I walked to the Chapel, went to him and when I spotted him, I smiled to myself. Even after 11 months, I still look at him with loving eyes. When I reached my ogre, he took my hand, squeezed it, kissed my cheek, and smiled at me, wearing the same expression that I have on my face that very moment.

The mass ended, and we walked, rather Buqnoi made kaladkad Tsootsai all over Greenbelt. He has good news for me, I can feel it, and I think I remember him whispering something to me about it as I was praying, but I was so busy being happy that I'm finally with him on our very first Valentine's date that I was not paying attention.

The good news is he had a sale =D The price to pay for the argument we had is a sale, and that made me happy, not to mention relieved. He's been worrying about not having one since the new year kicked in, and finally, we have something. His energy and enthusiasm got to me, and before we knew it, we were like two starry-eyed lovers hhww (holding hands while walking)not caring whether the people stare at us or not.

We reached Fish Out of Water, and scanned the menu. Conscious with my seafood allergies, we surveyed if they have enough choices on their menu that aren't limited to creatures who swim and live in the water, after all, the name of the restautant speaks for itself. Good thing though they also serve grass eaters =D Tsootsai had chicken, Buqnoi ordered beef.

Everybody in the restaurant were wearing semi formals, as if there is an event about to happen we both have no knowledge of. But the ever julug(jologs) couple that we are, we simply ignored them. After all, we have evryone's excuse for having our own world: it's Valentine's Day =D

Amidst try hard accents, overdressed fellow customers, irritating waitresses and the bossa nova background music I escaped from in Powerbooks Live! the julug couple of PExlandia were having the time of their lives.

Personally, I don't particularly like dinner by candlelight. I've always wondered what the fuss is all about, not that I never experienced it before, but I believe that it's up to the people who are dating to make the experience beautiful, not up to sticks of wax on fire.

But there I was, staring at the candle in our table, listening to Sitti croon about true love that lasts forever, overwhelmed by the feelings of joy, love and kilig threatening to drown me... and as the ogre reached for my hand, I looked at him and I couldn't ask for more. Words failed us, it was that beautiful, and now I'm into candlelight dinners too!

After dinner, we again hhww(held hands while walking) just enjoying the time that we have with each other. This may be hard to believe for everyone who really know us, but John and I spend most of our times together not talking. As opposed to the ever talkative and animated John and Eeyan, just holding each other, being there, and looking into each other's eyes, is enough to make our hearts beat with uncontrollable joy. Some of our sweetest and most beautiful moments were shared in silence, that even the words I used do not even begin to describe what those moments felt like.

These, of course are not just the ones shared in bed, though they all are included =D Haha!

After some time, he pulled me towards what I familiarly know as a place where a Starbucks is, and so I anticipated another coffee moment for us. In Greenbelt 1, Buqnoi asked Tsootsai to wander for a while while he talks to somebody, and wander I did. I was in the middle of the lobby staring up at the movie posters when I felt him behind me. I turned to smile at him and found myself open-mouthed and wide-eyed:

In the middle of Greenbelt 1, in front of other couples, store owners, other customers and other existence, Buqnoi gave Tsootsai a big bouquet (^^,)

The biggest grin tore half my blushing face as he asked me for a kiss, which I declined playfully. I guess I was so happy with the bouquet that for a while there, I was out of sorts.

You see, Buqnoi, in all our months together, gave me a bouquet only once. It was during our 8th month together, before watching Quantum of Solace, given at Starbucks in the middle of oher coffee fans. Back then, I was also very happy, same bulging eyes and open mouth, for as much as I was questioning candlelight dinners, flowers are in my "okay lang wala pero much better if meron" list of things to do/give to your girlfriend. =p

It makes me wonder though that despite this being the second time that he gave me a bouquet, it still feels great. Greater at some points. Weird as it may sound, with John, the first time is always the best, but the second and others are always best-er and best-est. Haha! I wonder how he does that ;)

We continued being gaga over each other as we make our way to the bus station. It kinda made me sad, for our Valentine's Day is about to end. But nothing good lasts forever, and what we just had is great, so it's understandable. We held hands from Ayala to somewhere in Shaw, then he let my hand go and took something from his bag. I was staring out of the window, listening to the nice rock love song playing in the bus radio, telling myself I'd dedicate it to him, when from inside the bag, Buqnoi gave me a wrapped package.

I opened it and for the second time that night, my mouth was hanging open and my eyes almost dropped out. I looked at him, speechless, though it's hard to imagine me being in that state.

He gave me a scrapbook. Dozens of different emotions shot through me and a hundred different thoughts swirled inside my head.

Whenever we go to a bookstore or a crafts store, I always go to the scrapbook section. I never bought one, I wasn't so sure how John would like me making one, or how he'd take it when the time comes that I finally give it to him. I find it girly and at the same time, mushy, and John, for some reason unknown to me, is not that much into mushy things. But the scrapbook is in our bucket list, so I told myself I'd just find the right time.

Imagine my shock when he presented me with one.

I was teary-eyed when his stop came. Who knows when we'll see each other again. The next few weeks are gonna be busy for us, with my finals coming and his daughter Chelsea's 7th bday. I'll surely miss mi amore, more now than ever. But we have something that we could look forward to.

Our anniversary is just around the corner =D

Iloveyou, Teacup ;)

Wednesday, January 7

There Are No Words FOr This

I have long since decided that I am one exceptional gal in terms of thinking and speaking. This is not to put myself above others but to emphasize the fact that compared to people I move circles with, I have learned more in the same situations that we all experienced. I am aware of my strengths and my weaknesses, my dreams and frustrations. Most of the time, I know what to think, how to react, what words to say, when to say them. Most of the time, but not all.

For there are times that I have no idea, too. And right now is one of them.

In terms of writing, I am exceptional. I write in riddles, I have meanings between the lines, I exist in another world. Just like the other writers both budding and hardcore, I am sensitive when it comes to what I write. Criticize what I am, I'm okay. But criticize what I write, and you'll nail me.

At this point, I am one huge pulp. A fuckin' mess that I don't even know is composed of.

SIGNS, FATE & DESTINY!

it can help you decide as to whether or not you'll believe in signs. :)

this is about THE ex.. he did unforgivable things both of cruel nature and evil nature. difference? cruel, it hurted me. evil, it shamed me.

it was pride(i don't have this.. until the guy)that made me stick to my decision of severing ties. it's my first time to do it. i believe in saving what was left of friendship after breakups, for it is through this that i could move on easier. being friends with an ex makes it easier for me to accept the fact that friendship is what we're meant to have. i can love the guy from a distance, then later on, as time goes by, the love would change into a different form. i mean, ame emotion, but different form and intensity :)

now back to my story, i told myself that severing ties is something that i cannot do. but given the things said and done, not just by him but also people around him, keeping in contact with him would be like continuously opening a wound.

i asked for a sign if we're meant to be friends or not. whatever it is, i'll accept. my sign has a condition: it has to be definite. if mom and dad allowed me on the trip to france that i've been pining for, it means we're through. i'd ask for one last meeting and then i'll leave without looking back.

no deadlines. as long as i'm allowed to go, then that's it.

i told myself that severing ties doesn't mean i haven't forgiven him. i just had to give myself some self-respect, for i do not deserve what he is doing.

in an hour i got a call from my mom and dad, who back then were in baguio.

'you can go to france, but you have to be back in time for the family reunion..'

the next day, i met up with him.

**************

someone who's mind i want to understand told me to read what he wrote. the thing is, i don't want to, because i'm afraid of getting hurt with whatever is written in the entries and i'm hesitant to find out that what i was fearing is true all along.

i asked for a sign. nothing definite this time, but a sign all the same.

the next day, i received a gift from my joyop boys. and i was so overwhelmed. i received that one creature that is repeatedly mentioned in the heading of what he wants me to read.

that night, i read the notes.

**************

signs have a way of guiding us, but like what fate and destiny are to most, they are there to guide us, not to determine what's right or wrong and what we must and must not do, but to clear the hazy dilemmas that we have no idea how to get out of.

to some, it's a matter of blind belief, to some, just coincidence. but whatever it means, one thing is for sure. signs, destiny and fate are cosmic miracles that inspires us or helps us. those unworldly forces that some think are for fools.

it's your take. the meaning is for you to decide.

my thoughts =)

Thoughts on.. Whatever!

in a way, i am alone too, but i am not lonely..

where do you think nanggaling yung 70% brain-30% heart na division when it comes to decision making?

not just because mas mataas ang brain sa heart in terms of position sa katawan naten. it was put there because it's the one that is SUPPOSED to make the decisions. the heart has a mind of its own, we all know that, di ba nga most of us believed in following our hearts.. that in doing so, we will be happy..but did it ever occur to you guys that happinness is never the forever kind.. that what makes it beautiful is because it surfaces after every pain, after every hurt, after every depression.. rainbow after the rain, sunlight just after dawn.. if you haven't noticed, the heart goes with the flow.. it never contradicts the CHOICE.. so if choice mong malungkot, it will be sad.. if choice mong maging happy, it will be happy..

do not fear solitude and melancholia.. we are humans.. we are born and meant to feel all things beautiful and all things ugly.. it's the only way we will be able to appreciate life.. if we do not feel happinness, how will we have hope when we are in our trying times? if we do not undergo bad experiences and trials, how will we learn to appreciate the good things that come our way? :)

my thoughts..

Tuesday, January 6

Wasted!(My Turn)

Sometimes, I still don't feel like I matter to my friends.

Make that most of the time.

Darn!

Thursday, August 21

I am a Guru :)




You Are the Guru



You are a naturally good counselor. You are inspiring, encouraging, and compassionate.

You are eager to help everyone who crosses your path, even those who don't want to be helped.



You are a natural healer. People feel at peace when they are with you.

You are so good for people, in fact, that they go through withdrawal once you're gone.



You quietly do your own thing, without openly resisting. You secretly try to fix every problem.

Your biggest regret is not being able to help as many people as you'd like.

I'm This Friendly..




Your Friendliness Score is 94 (Very Friendly)



You are an amazing friend. Anyone who has you as a friend is incredibly lucky.

And judging by how many friends you have, there are many lucky people in this world!



You can talk to people easily, and you often turn strangers into friends.

You are also a good listener. You are there for your friends when they need to vent, without judgment.



Overall, you have a genuine interest in people and their lives. And your friends can tell.

Taking time for your friends is very important to you. And because of this, you have lots of deep and meaningful friendships.

Thursday, May 1

Tears..

it makes me sad na hanggang ngayon married ang status niya sa friendster.. and pag nagfi-fillup siya ng form, status niya married pa rin..

pag kasama ko siya, kulang na lang, tumambling ako sa sobrang saya.. ramdam na ramdam ko how much he loves me.. how much i mean the world to him.. pero sobrang affected pa rin ako sa "married" na title niya..

i have once been a mistress.. it never mattered to me na ganun ang label ng boyfriend ko.. but now affected ako.. hindi ko alam kung bakit.. :'(

it just hurts and sucks..

Wednesday, February 6

The Goat

Personally, though, I don't agree with some of the stuff written. :LOL:

Strengths:


responsible
patient
ambitious
resourceful
loyal

*****

Weaknesses:

dictatorial
inhibited
conceited
distrusting
unimaginative

Capricorns are very independent because they know their capabilities and therefore they rarely trust others to finish details, they like to do it all themselves. Capricorn is the longer of all zodiac signs.The Capricorn is the strong friend, they will always be there to help, they are very sympathetic, caring and helpful to a friend in need. A Capricorn will get someone back on their feet again with a steady plan for success and for all this, they expect nothing in return. The Capricorn friend is deep and mysterious and full of intrigue, there always seems to be something going on in their mind.The Capricorn personality is geared towards that of leadership and achievement, they always want to climb the corporate ladder and be the best they can be. Capricorns have excellent sense of time and manage it very well, they are excellent organizers. Capricorns are very creative, not spontaneously creative but it is incorporated into their time management skills and their ideas for executing a plan. Capricorns make good, wise investments because they look at the long term and what will be the most beneficial down the road.Capricorns might seem melancholy and stern because they live by self-discipline and responsibility. They evaluate everything and they don't take daring chances without weighing the advantages and disadvantages first. To the onlooker, they might seem boring but it is the serious drive and structured way of life that the Capricorn feels safe with. Capricorn's self-sufficiency is often mistook for coldness, they are not as cold as they seem, this might be apparent just because Capricorns like to do everything themselves this way there is no worry about something not finished or not done properly. It is all about control of their surroundings and their daily lives and sometimes this spills into other people's lives. They believe they can give structure and organize other people's lives too, which they can but others might see this as intrusive and not welcome the Capricorn's suggested changes. According to Capricorn, there is only a right way and a wrong way to do things and this idea makes some Capricorns closed minded, stubborn and reluctant to agree with others. This is an ongoing lesson for Capricorns, knowing that there is more then one way of doing things and even though their way is usually right, it does not mean that they have to impose their ways on others.Capricorns have this sense of melancholy and necessity for structure and work because inside they feel they are unworthy and need to continuously prove their worth. Once they realize that all they need is self-love, door will open and they will see the world in a new light, one that allows for pleasure and guilt-free fun. Capricorns most important need is security, financial and material security. This is the driving force behind their ambitious character and all other personality traits of desire to succeed. They are very concerned with their public standing and their prestige. Capricorns are loners but they also need to feel appreciated, but they are excellent at hiding this truth. Capricorns are very self contained and they have many faces they present to the world, they are known as aloof and indifferent but this is them concealing themselves from the world, unfortunately, they may never know who they really are. This causes feelings of insecurity and causes them to question their own self worth. Capricorns make it difficult to get close emotionally because once they let someone in, they do not want to let them go and emotional connection makes them feel vulnerable yet satisfied at he same time. This is an ongoing internal conflict of contradictions inside the Capricorn's mind.Capricorns are very ambitious people, they always have something they are pursuing and they want their lives to be fulfilled and important. Capricorns are extremely patient and will wait a long time for something they want, when the opportunity arises, they will plan their steps carefully to others, they might appear hesitant but this is not true, they know that there is only one chance to succeed and they are filing together their information to take the proper steps to accomplish their goal with flying colors, not just second rate. Capricorns have a very active mind and strong powers of concentration. Capricorns like being in control of their surroundings and everyone in their life. Capricorns are very cautious but this only to survey the situation before leaping in, they will never make a hasty jump in. They accept change but introduce it slowly so they can get used to it and incorporate it into their life. Capricorns tend to see life in black or white, definitive's only. There are no gray areas for these are areas that are not understood and this makes Capricorn feel uncomfortable. They tend to be in control in a romantic relationship that way they are never vulnerable to another person.

What it's Like to Date a Capricorn Woman:

Deep inside, she is romantic and loving but it takes the right man to expose this. On the outside, she may seem like she does not care much for love. The Capricorn woman is perfect for the man who likes a challenge. It will take time to get closer to her, never make her rush into a relationship. Be patient because she is. Capricorn woman is very classy, upscale woman. You have to woo her and court her like a lady. Shower her with nice gifts (but not too expensive, she is a very conservative spender and expects you to be also). She will dominate and control the relationship but in her intriguing subtle way, let her take the lead, she won't steer you wrong! She will lead the relationship in the right direction because she is smart and practical. She will offer you a long lasting, real, loyal relationship with all the right ingredients for happiness.

How to Attract Capricorn:

make them laugh, they tend to be melancholy so anyone who can make them laugh is appreciated. Talk about anything but do not pry into their emotions. They do mind listening to yours however. When Capricorn feels safe, they will let some of their cat out of the bag. Talk about serious topics, things that matter and avoid unconventionality, they are very conventional people and do not like shock-topics. They like to be connected to on an intellectual level. They like gifts, not gaudy and expensive but practical and useful. Keep it high class, they do not like second-rate gifts, or dates for that matter. Plan an upscale date to a art gallery, theater or fancy restaurant. Never be late. Capricorns are very punctual and live by a schedule and they do not like to be kept waiting, it shows irresponsibility. Be patient with Capricorn, underneath that aloof, indifferent outside lies a physical, passionate loyal person that will come out when the time is right, once you have proven yourself.

Capricorn Erogenous Zone:

The legs and especially the knees are very sensitive. Lightly tickle the backs of Capricorn's knees and this will get them giggling with excitement and initiate foreplay.

Sex With Capricorn:

Capricorns have stamina, lots of it. They like nice, classy surroundings and a comfortable atmosphere. In the bedroom, they will last all night and want some more. They are very physical and good at what they can do. Do not expect any creative or zany positions, but expect it to be good.

Wednesday, January 30

The New Song

Slowly the pen touches paper in the guidance of the words that you write
memories roll in of the things you once did
and who you had shared them with, is somebody thinking of you
did I bother telling you this, with the words that cross teeth and jump lips
a poor choice of words in wanting to tell you anything
but words don't come with ease they're forever my hurt
would it really matter if you were to count the days left with your hands
your focus secure and the loves you left well
smiles staged in photographs here until...
you....you left the light on
theres a chance I might have tripped girl
you were there to hold on
ignoring the words of your obnoxious little brother
kill or be killed spilled the words from your mother
I'll lay awake for a while
I'll leave the light on a while
you couldn't last a lifetime caught between here and the days of it
carving her name across your arm with every wish it's hit or miss her
I told you so
I measure distance in lines departing the rest of my life
but you (you, you) had better things to do (X2)...liar
ignoring the words of your obnoxious little brother
kill or be killed spilled the words from your mother
I'll lay awake for a while
I'll leave the light on a while
you couldn't last a lifetime caught between here and the days of it
carving her name across your arm with every wish it's hit or miss her
I told you so
I measure distance in lines departing the rest of my life
if you get put to sleep, like an old dog you're better off if you get put to sleep
I've been cautious with the words I extend
allow this year before the world starts to end
your father's dead he passed in his sleep
and I woke to the sounds of her crying (X3)
you're father's dead he passed in his sleep
pray for us all

Thursday, January 24

The Past


Tuesday, January 22

The Harsh Reality



je veux juste dire que vous me blessez toujours. mais en dépit de tout. des battements de ce coeur pour vous..

at one point or another, there will come a time that some of the questions you have been avoiding confront you with unspoken demands for answers. either you surround yourself with distractions and hide behind masks of pretentious joy and mirth or face things head on like a bull about to charge into the arena, not knowing if it is finally meeting the matador that would take its life or it would be just another kill.

at the moment i have several questions, some of which are answerable by yes and no, and some are the what we call objective types: those that require a lengthy explanation for me to fully understand.

what would you feel if something you value means nothing to that one person that means the world to you?

i have no idea what the answer is. i'm in that state where one is in denial, for it just occurred to me that i have put him in a place he does not deserve, such a high pedestal that even the person who currently owns my heart is not worthy.

i cannot think straight. i need my remedy.

*goes to the bedroom and starts the music, dances to the music*

Sunday, January 20

The Moving On Process

I celebrated my 23rd birthday a few weeks ago, and I gave a rare gift to myself.

To tell the man I love what I feel for him.

That's right, I told him what I feel. Of course, given our situation, I have to accept that what I feel is not mutual, and that I could even lose him once I open up.

The bottom line though is, I just wanna be true to myself. If being true would make him go away, then I have to accept it.

I sat in front of the computer for what seemed like hours. I have typed the first sentence but cannot seem to write a follow-up. What I did? I listened to all the songs that I have for him as I read all the conversations I saved from the instant messenger. Suddenly, I was in a state of utopia: as if I was back during the moments that we were having that conversation.

I told him I love him. I told him that me telling him what I feel is not a demand for him to have a relationship with me or even pressure that he at least returns what I feel: I just wanted him to know. No strings attached, because I can love him even without his cooperation.

I learned, for my 23rd birthday, that I can love somebody unconditionally, and that is one of the greatest lessons in life.

I was happy loving him from afar, for you don't love somebody to be loved in return. Love is an emotion that not everyone is capable of understanding. I realized that love really is something that should first be given freely before received..

I sent the email. I waited for a reply. But it never came. I started the new year heartbroken.

So after several nights of tears and asthma attacks, I went to my very own park of solitude near the place where I work, sat down in one of the benches before my shift starts and closed my eyes.

Then I plugged in my headset, played our song in my iPod, and started reading for the last time his messages to my phone. Tears rolled down my face as I remember the feeling when I first received those messages. It was painful remembering what we used to be, what he used to be, but I have to let go. I can still feel the blush that tainted my cheeks whenever he says 'I miss you'.. the warm and happy feeling from deep within whenever he tells me he is thinking of me every single minute of everyday..

I clicked on options, delete and clicked yes.. watching the icons confirm the erasure of the memories, I gave in to tears and depression and started trudging my way to my building. I keep telling myself that it's the right thing to do, for I don't deserve someone who does not even care enough to at least let me know what he thinks.

The pain is terrible.



But I know I can do it. I believe in signs, and I just received one that proves I'll get over this part of my love life.

I met my twin.


Love life is not what I need right now, for there are people who accepts me for who I am and loves me still. So I guess I have to enjoy what and who I have now. I am proud of them. And of course, I love them.